I will write a speech, toast or anything you want

You have a once in a lifetime speech you're too nervous to find the words yourself? You have a speech that is meant to express so much of what you ever had to say? Or do you have a boring "just-get-it-over-with" speech thing you don't want to write yourself. So here I am. To create for you a funny little piece. Or an emotional one if you need ;)